I'm not OK

Its hard to say "I'm Ok" whenever people ask me how am I doing. Its hard to say the phrase without tears jerking off your eyes. My life currently runs in an endless routine and everyday I feel hopeless and left out. They tell me things will fall in to their right places and that GOD HAS BIG PLANS IN STORE FOR ME. Why can't I believe that? Why can't I make myself believe that everything will be fine? Today, reality slapped  me in the face so hard and its hard to shake the pain off my mind.

The fact that they have it, you don't

I was browsing through facebook when I saw pictures of my batch mates. It seems that in their pictures they are close to achieve the dreams that they have ever since. Because of that, I couldn't help to be jealous. Then I started asking myself, where am I going?

As far as I know myself, I have so many things in my mind. Things that I wanted to accomplish, do and experience. Apparently, its a whole bunch of stuffs that I don't even know where and how to start because one single thing is holding me back. R-E-S-O-U-R-C-E-S a.k.a MONEY.

I am extremely jealous of people who have it all but they don't even give a damn to productively use it. They have it, I don't. They don't give a f***, I do.

Currently, I am in the point of my life where I am eagerly start anew. A chapter in my life that is a whole lot different with the books-and-pens-clad-college-me. But as the weeks go by and as I am continuously stuck in the place of boredom and unproductiveness, I am little by little losing hope. Will the world give me a chance to do the things and experience the things I've been meaning to do? Or I just have to impatiently wait for my turn and watch other people have it with a breeze? Is the real world really like this or am I just one of the unfortunate fellows?

Have you kissed your mom lately?

I was set to meet my boyfriend this morning when I decided to stop by Sto. Nino Church to have some isaw (chicken intestines) from manong bald-head. Nearby, I saw a mother and her 11/12 yr. old son in one of the isaw carts along the road. After few reminders to her son who was then busy eating,the mother bade goodbye. But even before she get to hail a tricycle, her son shouted "Kiss anay!" (I'll kiss you first). She faced her son once again and kissed him on his lips. Gobsmacked but what I have saw, I smiled and finish my isaw. After that, I rode a jeep and kept on thinking about the incident. I was fascinated on how the kid showed his affection to his mother in front of his friends. 


Usually, kids nowadays would find it lousy and embarrassing to kiss their mothers. They would even tag it as 'cheesy' and a sign of being a mama's boy. In my opinion, that is one of the wrongs in today's generation. Kids *sounding like a woman in her 40s :D*, expressing affection and gratitude to your parents is not a sign of weakness and childish. Rather than being embarrassed, we should be proud showing them how much we love them 24/7. Let us not wait 'till time steal the chance from us. They are not with us always and will never be forever. In fact I have a friend who unfortunately lost his dad. He told me that everyday since his father breathed his last, he wish that he could turn back time and be given a chance to do and say what he have to. 


So, will you kiss your mom/dad now? :)

Back Tracks: Highchool (OPM)

Funny how songs makes you remember things. Silly, immature and cheesy things. ^-^

The excruciating pain of waiting

It has been 1 month and 11 days since I wore the academic gown marking my accomplishment with my chosen course 4 years ago. Just like any fresh graduates, I've never been so enthusiastic to start a life on my own. My plan was to go get a job, save money, help my parents and eventually move out from my aunt's apartment. I never thought the so called "real world" could be this hard. I thought people were just exaggerating with the phrase "mas marami ka ng ka-kumpetensya" ("you'll have more people to compete with"). 

I am so pissed with what's going on with my divine search for employment. But hey, people can't blame me with this. It’s not about the money (money,money,money. -Jesse J.), it is about not feeling being useless. I am not used to this kind of set up where all I can do is sit and wait and feel its excruciating pain and paranoia. I have submitted my resume to 24 companies (both online and not) and why is it one of them haven't called me yet for an interview? Some of you might think that I am impatient. But sad to say, Yes! I am impatient. I am impatient to learn, I am impatient to be productive, I am impatient to grow (maybe not physically, mentally will do), I am impatient to be in the mainstream of professionals who make this country (at least) great of its people. But why is it some people doesn’t have to experience this? I guess, there are people who can be really called as ‘the lucky few’ and sadly, I am not one of them (yet?).

Well, I think it is my fate to wait and be immersed in boredom. It might cost me to consume my ever so long patience. But after all this waiting and paranoia, I can still see myself working. Maybe not today, but as sure as I am born it will be someday, definitely one of this days.